Together or not at all
by angstyteenagetrash
Summary: Jyn slipped into Shara and Kes Dameron's room with the emergency code she had been given. Rummaging through a cabinet in the 'fresher, she found what she was looking for. She checked to make sure the room was empty, then took the test. It was positive.
1. together or not at all

No no no no no, this can't be happening.

Jyn Erso stared at her reflection in the 'fresher mirror, fresh throw-up in the commode. Shakily, she wiped her mouth, and dragged her hand down her face. This was the fourth time this week she had thrown up in the morning. Pushing her hair back, she exited the room to find Cassian waiting for her, concerned.

"Are you sure you're alright? Do you want a medic?"

Jyn forced a smile onto her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Cassian looked unconvinced, but he nodded all the same. But later, when Cassian left for a meeting, Jyn slipped into Shara and Kes Dameron's room with the emergency code she had been given. Rummaging through a cabinet in the 'fresher, she found what she was looking for. She checked to make sure the room was empty, then took the test.

It was positive.

Jyn began to panic. She sank to her knees, _she wasn't ready for this,_ gripped her hair to _to_ tight, _she can't do this._

"Jyn?!"

Shara stood at the door, bright orange flight suit sleeves tied around her waist.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong, Jyn, tell me what's the matter," She ordered gently.

With a shaky hand, she held out the device. Shara let out a whooshing breath when she was it.

"Okay, here, let's sit down."

She helped Jyn up and sat her down on the double bed, then handed her a cup of water. Jyn guped it all down, and leaned back against the wall.

"I can't do this, Shara, I'm not a mother!" She immediately started, panicking again.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, look at me. Look at me. Okay, have you told Cassian? I mean I assume he is-?" She trailed off.

Jyn nodded weakly.

"So have you told him?"

Jyn shook her head. Shara took a breath, and nodded.

"Okay, so, are you going to?"

Jyn froze.

"I - I don't know."

Shara took her hand.

"Look, Cassian deserves to know. You need to tell him. Okay? Whatever happens next is completely up to you."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay."

Shara smile a little. She gestured to the door.

"I hate to do this to you, but I need to get ready to meet Kes and Poe for diner."

Jyn jumped up.

"Yeah, yeah 'course, I'll, uh, see you later."

Shara called her name just as she reached the door. She gave Jyn a pointed look.

"Tell him."

Jyn responded with a nod and a smile.

* * *

Jyn didn't tell Cassian, not immediately anyway. He didn't push her for answers for questions, _why are you ignoring me, why don't you talk to me, why are you avoiding me and my questions._ She almost wished he would.

One night, six days later, she woke with a start, tangled up in Cassian. She couldn't shake the images from her head, _a child, blood, blood on her hands, blood all over, Cassian angry, a childchildchildchild._ She sat up, sweaty, swung her legs over the side, slipped out of her room. Thoughts filled her head, bloody thoguhts, angry,anguished,terrified, and then she was sobbing, horribly, sinking to her knees, doubled over.

And then hands, arms, chest, covered her, pulled her against it.

"Jyn, _Jyn,_ Stardust, please, Jyn, I'm scared, please," Cassian begged.

"I can't, Cassian, I can't, I should've told you, I'm sorry, I'm terrified," she sobbed against his shoulder.

"Jyn, Jyn, _what?"_

"I can't be a _mother,_ I _can't."_

Cassian froze against her.

"You're _pregnant?"_

Jyn began crying harder.

"Hey, hey, I'm not mad, I'm thrilled, I just, why didn't you tell me?" Then,

"You _are_ still pregnant, right?"

Jyn nodded and looked up at him.

"Cassian, I'm not made to be a mother."

Cassian's face harder ever so slightly.

"Jyn, there's to much death in the galaxy already. Jyn, I want my child. I want _our_ child."

"I know, I _know,_ I'm just so, _so_ scared. What if I hurt it? What if I -"

"Jyn. Honestly, this is the most scared I've ever been in my life, and that's saying something. But we can do this together, figure it out, and we'll love it so much. We _can_ do it."

Jyn tugged him down suddenly, to press her lips to his, hot and desperate and _needy,_ because she needs him now more than ever, and she needs to know he'll never leave.

He let's her know this, later that night, when he kisses her deeply and touches her loving and makes her see stars. And she knows, she _knows,_ he'll be there for them both.


	2. who said mothers were weak

Jyn's pregnancy was hardly an easy one.

At first, after figuring out what they wanted to do, Cassian wouldn't shut up about becoming a father. It was practically the first thing out of his mouth to everyone he met. He would go up to someone, with a huge grin on his face, and gesture to Jyn, all while talking rapidly.

Jyn didn't like the attention. Attention always meant bad news. Eventually, when Cassian would start talking, people would just roll their eyes with a slight smile but humor him anyways.

Then she got sick.

First, it seemed to be just a cold, and Jyn worked around it like always. Then it got worse. Cassian insisted she rest, but Jyn wasn't one for resting, she hated it, the sitting still, doing nothing. She worked through it, but got weaker and sicker, until she was literally carried to the medbay by a very worried Cassian.

She had to stay there for two weeks until the medics deemed her well enough to go back to her room.

By this time she was 4 months pregnant.

A month later, her pee began to turn slightly red.

A week of that, and she began to get chills.

Then it was fever.

The nausea and vomiting.

And then she was so sick, and very high fever, and she was rushed to the hospital.

She was 6 months pregnant.

The Medics said she was on bed rest for the rest of her pregnancy. Not only was she underweight for a pregnant woman of 6 months, but she had a severe urinary tract infection. It took her three weeks to beat it and then she was confined to her and Cassian's room.

She was so, so scared.

Sometimes the only way to tell if this was real was to sit up late at night with her arms wrapped around her belly, telling herself it would be okay. Cassian, oh, long-suffering, patient Cassian, would sit up with her, arms around her, and tell her about the farm they would build when this was over, and their family, and how great their baby would be.

This was what grounded her.

The late night talks of nothing and everything, what his favorite color will be, what his favorite story would be, and they spoke of names.

Halen Lyra.

Galen Bodhi.

It was in the middle of one of Cassian's late meetings when the rebooted K2 came in announcing very loudly that Jyn was in labor and chances of a complicated delivery were 87.6%.

Cassian very understandably ran as fast as humanly possible to the medbay.

Six hours and ten minutes later, Jyn Erso gave birth to Galen Bodhi Andor, and as soon as she held him, making sure he was alive, was okay, she passed out, completely worn out.

Cassian Andor very proudly carried his tiny baby son out to the waiting room where Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Shara, Kes, and Poe Dameron, plus others, were waiting. Shara held him first, of course, as Galen's godmother. Then Kes and Poe. Then to Luke, who held him somewhat awkwardly, while Han peered curiously over his shoulder, with his Wookie learning over his shoulder.

As soon as Jyn woke up, she held her baby, her little Starburst close to her, while Cassian held the both of them.


	3. of all the things my hands have held

Galen Bodhi Andor came into the world 37 weeks old, 5 pounds, 7 ounces, and 17 inches, a little over a year after the Battle of Endor.

At 2030 hours the night before, Jyn Erso went into labor. 6 hours and 10 minutes later, she gave birth to a tiny little baby boy at 0420 hours. It had been long and painful and exhausting, and the meds had just about decided to cut the baby out, when Jyn caught a second wind.

Neither Jyn nor Cassian had any idea how to properly take care of a baby and that had terrified both of them at first, but they could pull through. Right now, Jyn was completely out, exhausted and sweaty. Cassian couldn't help think that getting exhausted and sweaty was how the tiny blue bundle in his arms came into being. He chuckled a little, remembering Jyn yelling at him that it was all his fault she was going through that.

Galen Bodhi Andor (Cassian wondered when he'd start referring to his son (his son!) as just Galen) was wide awake, staring up at his father with wide blue eyes that were sure to turn green like his mother's. His nose, chin, hair, forehead were all Cassian's but when he crinkled up his nose to sneeze, he looked exactly like Jyn.

There was a quiet tap at the door.

"Come in."

Leia Organa poked her head in the door and then her face split with a wide smile. She crossed the room quickly and quietly to stand by Cassian.

"Oh, he's so tiny!"

Cassian grinned, his face starting to get tired from grinning like a fool.

"I know. But strong. Look at him grip my finger."

Leia glanced over at Jyn, still out, then asked softly,

"May I hold him?"

Cassian was reluctant to release his son from his arms, but knew he'd have to eventually.

"Of course."

Leia took baby Galen and held him tenderly. She glanced up at Cassian.

"He looks like you."

There was that face splitting grin again.

"He does."

Suddenly, Galen's little face scrunched up and he let out a squeaky wail.

At that sound, Jyn's head popped up.

"Oh, he's hungry."

Sure, enough, he was.


End file.
